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Talk Straight with Children
Talk
Straight with Children
One of the best
ways to inoculate our children against sexual abuse is to give them
accurate information. This means that from the earliest age they must be
taught about all parts of their bodies. They should feel free to speak
about their bodies and able to use the proper names for when
speaking.
Teach Children about Privacy
Children need language they feel comfortable with so they can tell
us immediately if something is troubling them. Children need to be taught
that their bodies are private and that no one has the right to touch them
in a private place or make them feel uncomfortable.
Teach Children that no Adult should require them to keep
Secrets.
Children must be taught the
difference between a secret and a surprise. Sex offenders don't want
children to tell adults about their secret acts. Some molesters make the
child feel that they are sharing something special that other people
wouldn't understand. Other offenders use threats that harm will come to
the child's family if he or she tells. Some tell the child he or she will
be punished if the secret is revealed because the child is at fault.
Children must be told that adults should never ask a child to keep a
secret. We need to let children know that there are adults who are sick
and who like to touch children in their private places; that this is
different from a mom or dad or other caretaker who is helping a child take
a bath or go to the toilet. A surprise, on the other hand, is a positive
thing that will make someone happy, such as keeping a secret about a
present we're getting for a person. Children can understand the difference
if it is carefully explained.
Teach Children to tell a Trusted Adult
Children need to know that it is important for them to
tell a trusted adult if another adult tries to touch them in private
places or make them feel uncomfortable in other ways. They need to know
that some adults will try to trick them and that it is always wrong.
Adults should not be asking a child for help when it is more appropriate
for them to as another adult (for example, asking a child to help find a
lost puppy). Children should be taught not to accept a ride from someone -
even a person known to them - if they have not received permission from
their mother, father, or guardian. Most importantly,
children must know that if they come to us to tell us something, they will
be believed.
Listen Closely to Children and ask
Questions
The average child who
discloses an incident of child abuse has told a number of people before
someone listed and believed him or her. How can this be? It is because
children often think they are telling someone about the abuse when they
say "I don't like Mr. Jones," or "Mrs. Garcia", or "Coach Smith". A child
will stay silent if the response is "How can you say that? Mr. Jones (or
Mrs. Garcia or Coach Smith) is such a friendly person and spends so much
time with you." The proper response is, "Why don't you like Mr. Jones?
What does he do that you don't like?" The answer might be harmless or it
may be serious. We have to listen better because our children trust
us.
Find
out Who are the Other Adults in your Child's Life
We need to know not just who their teachers are but also
who the janitor or principal is, coaches, assistant coaches, choir
directors, all those with whom they spend time. Sometimes the offender is
known to the child but not to the parents. Children may also face danger
through contacts on the internet so monitor your child's use of the
internet closely.
Teach Children what to do if They are
Afraid
In addition to encouraging them
to tell us if someone hurts them or makes them feel uncomfortable, we need
to give them skills to help themselves if they become separated from us at
a store or some other public place. We don't want them to be so afraid of
strangers that they won't go to someone who can help them. Rather,
children should be encouraged to approach a mother with children or a
woman with a store badge, for example, to ask for help if they are lost
and no one they know is around.
Teach Children not to Blame Themselves
Children need to know that it is never their fault if an
adult does something harmful to them. It is the fault of the
adult.
Recognize the Signs and Symptoms of
Sexual Abuse
Know What to Do if a Child has been Abused
Sexually
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